Our discussion in class today was incredible!!!  We talked about having family council within our own families.  What is family council you ask?

“Whenever there are two or more members of a family together and a discussion is going on, that is a council! Family councils can be held in one-on-one talks between a parent and a child or among parents and several children. When a husband and wife talk to each other, they are holding a family council.

I think of the traditional definition that says a family council is a time when a father and mother sit down and go through a list of dos and don’ts with their children. I was never able to make it work that way. I found that when the list came out, it turned the children off. So I tried bringing up a specific problem—such as the garden needs weeding—and then simply asked the family, “What can we do about it? What are your ideas?”

A council is when parents let their children help solve the problem. And when everyone agrees to a solution, everyone will have ownership of the problem. If I tell the family, “You go out and pull the weeds,” there may be complaining or hurt feelings. But if I can help them to feel, “We all decided this,” then the family council is truly working. Before you know it, family members will be organizing themselves, saying, “You do this and I’ll do that.” That’s the power of a council.”

            -Elder M. Russell Ballard

By having a regular family council you make sure your whole family is on the same page.  You talk about problems/issues that need to be addressed and you also express your love for each other.  We have only had a few family councils with my family that I can remember, but I do remember loving them because I felt that my parents cared about what I thought and it felt good to work together as a family.

 On my mission we had something called companionship inventory every week.  This is where you and your companion talk about strengths and weaknesses of your companionship, problems that need to be resolved, then you give constructive criticism and lastly you tell the person what their strengths are and why you love them.  I loved companionship inventory, I found it to be very productive and quite enjoyable.  I was able to express my gratitude for my companion while she expressed hers for me.  Of course there were some awkward moments when we needed to talk about problems that were going on, but once we talked through them everything was so much better.

I am most definitely going to have family council with my future family.  I know it will make us stronger as a whole.  Strength in families is very needed especially in these last days that we live in.  

Coping Mechanisms

In class this last week our teacher brought in a coping saw.  

A coping saw is used to cut intricate external shapes and interior cutouts in woodworking or carpentry. It is used to cut moldings to created coped or shaped joints.  

When crowned molding is cut in a straight line, the lines don't match up perfectly and when the wood expands or shrinks there are spaces where the joints meet.  But when the corners are cut with a coping saw they are very tight and clean looking.

We related this to families and how families cope with different situations that they are placed in.  For my family, we have been through many, many experiences that have shaped us and made us grow closer together.  For that reason I think we cope with situations pretty well and we work together as a family pretty well.  Elder Richard G. Scott teaches us about the importance of working together as families and working together to have the Spirit in our homes:

"Many voices from the world in which we live tell us we should live at a frantic pace. There is always more to do and more to accomplish. Yet deep inside each of us is a need to have a place of refuge where peace and serenity prevail, a place where we can reset, regroup, and re-energize to prepare for future pressures."

"The ideal place for that peace is within the walls of our own homes, where we have done all we can to make the Lord Jesus Christ the centerpiece."

"Some homes have a father who is a worthy priesthood holder joined by a faithful, devoted mother who together lead in righteousness. Many homes have a different configuration. Regardless of your circumstances, you can center your home and your life on the Lord Jesus Christ, for He is the source of true peace in this life."

For Peace at Home

Elder Richard G. Scott

Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

April 2013 General Conference

Marital Happiness

I loved our discussions in class this week.  We talked all about marital happiness, what we should do when planning a wedding, and what kind of changes are made when you first get married.

I will first address the subject of planning for the wedding.  You shouldn't spend too much time on planning for the wedding and reception, but plan for a marriage and focus on the fact that you are getting married in the temple.  Someone in class mentioned putting a temple cake-topper on the top of the cake to remind everyone about the importance of the temple.  That stuck out to me and I am going to do something like that for my wedding.  I want the temple to be the center of my wedding and wedding reception.  My sister and her husband met in Africa while teaching children English.  On the top of their wedding cake they had a cutout of the shape of Africa, with a little heart of the place where they met in Mozambique.  Here is a picture of it,

It is kind of small, but I thought it was a very beautiful cake topper that was very unique and special to them because they both love Africa and it is where they met and fell in love. 

In class we also discussed the adjustments that need to be made when you first get married.  And I have to say I really enjoyed this section of the class.  A lot of married couples in the class told stories about how they had to change the way they sleep, because some people are cuddlers while other aren't.  Also people have to decide how they are going to load the dishwasher, how they are going to squeeze the toothpaste tube, and many different things.  

I always thought that marriage would be an easy adjustment, but in reality there are a lot of things to be considered and that need to be talked about prior to marriage.  

Also, in class in the past and with the people that sit around me we have talked about the importance of the women in the home.  A mother's influence is so important, and a woman's influence on her husband is extremely important too.  It is so important for women to support their husbands and lift them up.  I love this quote about the struggles that men have, and I have shared this with many different people:

"It can be discouraging at times to know what it means to be a son of God and yet come up short. The adversary likes to take advantage of these feelings. Satan would rather that you define yourself by your sins instead of your divine potential. Brethren, don’t listen to him."

"We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents."

"Now, brethren, compared to the perfection of God, we mortals are scarcely more than awkward, faltering toddlers. But our loving Heavenly Father wants us to become more like Him, and, dear brethren, that should be our eternal goal too. God understands that we get there not in an instant but by taking one step at a time."

  -President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

For class this week we had to write on a discussion board about the baby blues.  Did you know that on average in this nation marital satisfaction goes down with each child?  And it only goes up when each child leaves the home!  I had no idea that that was the case.  I made me think back on my family.  Did my parents get more and more depressed with each child?  There are ten children in my family and if that was the case they would be in the depths of despair I think!  But thinking back on it, my parents always seemed so happy and loved to watch all of us kids learn and grow.  I remember my Dad told me one time that my Mother was always at her happiest when she was pregnant.  I think that it so beautiful.

If couples focus on their kids, the gospel and their personal relationship I don't see how they could decrease in happiness with each child.

"First, I have observed that in the happiest marriages both the husband and wife consider their relationship to be a pearl beyond price, a treasure of infinite worth. They both leave their fathers and mothers and set out together to build a marriage that will prosper for eternity. They understand that they walk a divinely ordained path. They know that no other relationship of any kind can bring as much joy, generate as much good, or produce as much personal refinement. Watch and learn: the best marriage partners regard their marriages as priceless."

-Elder L. Whitney Clayton

This week in class we had to turn in a family systems project.  I compared my family to a layered bean dip.  I related each one of my family members to a different ingredient in the dip.  For instance my step-mom is the refried beans.  The refried beans are on the bottom of the dip, they are the foundation.  Jonnie, my step-mom, is our foundation, she keeps us grounded and has helped us through some trying times. 

We then had to talk about the different systems in our families.  I realized that there are many different systems within my own family.  It was really fun to see and recognize why some of my siblings are closer than others, and why some of us group together and why some do not.  It made me really homesick for my siblings too.  It is so hard for me to be away from them, especially from my nieces and nephews. 

Family is the most important system on this earth.  It is important to study them, and try to find out how we can make our own families more successful as well as other families.